keep going and going and going and going :)

miserable

im feeling really lonely tonight.

i always hear a ringing in my ears.

As lay down in my silent surroundings, the slow vibrations within my head start reverberating. I can only describe it as a wine glass 1/4 full, with the tip of someone finger just wet enough to cause just enough friction to start the vibration.

I close my eyes as the silence intensifies around me, and the ringing grows louder.

I always hear a ringing in my ears.

wowww so long since i posted.

haha.. bah

So i'm in the office right now.. I feel carmen's a bit upset with me.. i'm working on a weekend.. will was pretty surprised when he called to see if I was down for some hanging out and drinks tonight, but had to turn him down cause I was working late.

Showed up to work late (after arriving at 9am) because the carpet guys we're tearing shit up in my cubical trying to replace the carpeting. The A/C isn't on in the building right now.. and being on the 5th floor it's not looking too good. The thermo-stat is at 32 degrees right now. It's fucked, they don't turn on the AC unless we pay like $200 a day. GAY

I ended up buying three ice-caps from timmy-hoes across the street (one for me and one each for the guys working int he office.. they've been here for 8 hours already lol it doesn't look good for them cause they're not done..)

anyways enough time wasted. I'll just make the best out of all this. Bah.

Most times I'm happy go lucky. Carefree, go with the flow and it sometimes hurts the people around me.

It's very selfish the way it happens, and when I find myself in the hot seat because of my happy go lucky attitude I start to become.. defensive.

does it mean that I don't care about the people around me? It feels like the ramifications of just "living" is that others around me don't feel loved. Maybe it's because i'm worrying about everything else I feel like the people I trust in the most and lean on can handle things themselves.

I'm trying to make a point here but it's not coming out very well.. it's easier if someone would bounce ideas back to me and I can discover what's going on right now.

Later days

Sooo I haven't been blogging because I haven't been somewhere I can write in "private". One of the many reasons why i'm not blogging very often, but that's the explination I'll give ya.

So i'm caught in a little rut here.. on thursday is the last game of the dodgeball season, with a playoffs for the VDL championships on sunday (for those of you who don't know, that's the vancouver dodgeball league).. Anyways i'm in a little bit of a perdicament here.. because on the same day as the last game of the season, i have a semi-important meeting I have to hold. Which is kinda like meh meh to me because Yannie's there and she's been over stepping her boundaries.

I like playing the blame game here but if I remember correctly Vice Presidents play the support roles. Then again my leadership is kinda questionable because of my "dedication" can be iffy at times. On the flipside membership attendance is at an all time low. I think at this time of our lives, volounteering doesn't really hold high priority.. or comming to meetings..

anyways i hate to stop an incomplete thought, but i'll be late for work. haha..

Later days.